Sometimes, even though we know, or think we do, that we have some purpose, that we believe that we are moving forwards, that we think we might be happy, there can be times when it feels as though we are stumbling around in the dark. Not just the dark though, but a scary darkness filled with obstacles and fears. At times this can feel as though you have started going backwards, that all the 'good work' that you have done suddenly feels as though it's added up to nothing. All of a sudden we find fears bubbling up again, we find that doubt replaces certainty, we can feel empty, that the joy, optimism and hope we had only a moment ago has been lost. We, very literally, can feel lost, helpless, hopeless. Though this feels horrible, though it's scary, it's also a natural part of life. We can't feel amazing all of the time. When we are tired, run down, having to deal with problems, those problems suddenly feel much bigger, much harder to deal with. A succession of sma...

 For the first two years of working life, I lived on my own. I had a flat in a small village in North Bedfordshire, which was above a hair dressers. I hadn't seen the flat before signing the agreement, it was one of the few that was available on a MoD accommodation list, at the short notice I had before starting my job. It was pleasant enough, it was an old stone cottage, I had a big bedroom on the top floor, with enough room to have a desk, with a lounge next to it. The floor below then had a large bathroom and the kitchen, then the ground floor was the hair dressers. The entrance to the flat was within the reception for the hair dressers (I had a key for their front door too) It was a small village, there was a small Co-op food store, a post office, a news agents and two pubs. For those first two years I didn't go out a great deal. My take home pay was around £600 a month. Rent was £325 a month, after electric bills, water rates, council rates (initially, then the 'poll t...

 I suppose the best place to start any story is the beginning, not always of course, sometimes an author might start a story in the middle, or even at the end, but, I think for this 'story' the beginning is, indeed, the best place to start. I  grew up in the 1970s and early 1980s on the Wirral. I had a pretty good childhood. No real issues or problems, lots of fun, lots of happy memories. I didn't particularly like school, but did OK, getting plenty of O levels, then A levels, then heading off to the University of Salford to study Aeronautical Engineering. I had plenty of fun at University, no real problems or issues there either. I achieved a BEng (Hons) and got a job with the MoD at the, then, Royal Aerospace Establishment Bedford, an active Flight Test and research airfield. I would be working with the VAAC Harrier team on developing and testing new flight control schemes for a possible future replacement to the Harrier, what would go on and become the JSF F35B. Pretty m...